The campaign for Scottish independence was facing further obstacles today after it was confirmed by Owen Paterson that they could not expect to keep the London Eye if they choose independence over the union.
“Alex Salmond needs to come clean with the Scottish public,” said Mr. Paterson in a press conference this morning. “He thinks he can have his cake and eat it, by having independence as well as a segment of London’s favourite tourist attraction. Well, he can’t have any of it, because it’s a big wheel, and if you take out a part of it, it won’t work. The people of Scotland will have to think carefully, because a ‘Yes’ vote means they’ll lose all the benefits they currently get from it.”
“If they want out that means no pound, no BBC, no British weather, no more stiff upper lips, no dry British humour, no more speaking English, and certainly no more London Eye.”
A spokesman for the Yes campaign accused Paterson of “scare tactics”, adding that there was “no reason” why the Eye could not be shared between England and Scotland, possibly by putting it on the back of a big lorry, or letting only Scottish people use it on Thursdays.
The spokesman went on: ‘In fact, if Scotland can’t have the BBC, then Britain can’t have television because we invented it. And good luck recovering from an infection in Kent or Llandudno, because we’re keeping penicillin. And the telephone. You can have ‘Braveheart’ though. The film, I mean. We’ll keep the real one, obviously.”