Man in home office on telephone using computer and frowning

Unemployed man still doesn’t have a job despite joining LinkedIn

"What am I not paying you for?"

“What am I not paying you for?”

Professional networking site LinkedIn is coming under fire today after reports that some of its users are still unable to find work despite being signed up for “several hours”.

Brad Holt, an unemployed writer/photographer living in Bethnal Green, created a LinkedIn profile at 11.30 this morning on the advice of several friends who use the site regularly. “I knew it sounded too good to be true – ‘Just join another social media site and you’ll be headhunted in seconds.’ Well, I’ve been here for three hours now and I haven’t heard a peep. All these other people have LinkedIn accounts and jobs – I just don’t understand it.”

“Look, I’ve done everything I can,” a clearly frantic Holt told us. “I’ve uploaded a profile picture, filled out my hobbies and favourite films list, the lot. But I guess that’s not enough in this ultra-competitive economic climate.”

“It seems like LinkedIn won’t recognise ‘Unemployed 2003 – Present’ as real work experience either. Well, guess what geniuses, it’s true.” This complaint has been echoed by other users who have complained that LinkedIn won’t accept the universities of ‘Hard Knocks’ ‘The Real World’ or ‘Life’ as legitimate education institutions.

Holt has even gone so far as soliciting written testimonials that endorse his work. “Brad is a very bright young boy and his pictures are just lovely. Any company would be lucky to have him,” wrote one Mrs S. Holt in a glowing endorsement that even extends to personal hygiene and childhood sporting achievements.” Mrs Holt later added the words, “He’s employable to me.”

Latest reports indicate that Holt may have abandoned the search and deleted his account altogether. “You know what, screw it. Who needs money when you’ve got love?” said Holt as he finished off the ‘About Me’ section of his profile.

LinkedIn have issued a brief statement apologising for the site’s malfunction and say they are temporarily freezing all 260 million accounts until the cause of the fault can be identified.

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