“Quite honestly, the preparation for these games has been woeful,” said a contrite Coe. “We just weren’t ready for the hostile climate and it seems like the hosts have made no efforts help out by clearing snow off the tracks and so on. Mo Farah nearly broke his neck slipping on a patch of ice in the 5,000m. They should at least have had some signs up.”
Team GB star Tom Daley became an early victim of the weather conditions on Wednesday after breaking his nose diving into a pool that had frozen over. “I blame myself. I should have looked before doing a triple front flip and plummeting 10 metres right onto my face,” commented Daley from his hospital bed. “I’m going to train harder for next time and also carry out basic checks, such as touching the pool to make sure it’s still water.”
Fans of the Olympics have been as taken aback as the athletes by the turn of events. “I haven’t heard Jessica Ennis mentioned once, and she was seriously brilliant at the last Olympics.” said Phoebe Unwin, 27.
Three British marathon runners are still missing after becoming stuck in deep drifts in the Russian tundra.
At time of going to press, allegations were being made that athletes from other countries have been wearing specialised shoes with metre long ‘blade-like’ soles and using poles to help them through the snow.