London is on the move again as planned Tube Strikes were cancelled after the news that Dave – wealth creator and London Commuter – had been rendered nearly twenty minutes late for work on Thursday.
“It was pretty upsetting,” said Dave at a press conference outside his workplace in Fitzrovia. “I usually get off at Goodge Street, but the strike was on, so I had to go to Oxford Circus and then walk. And what with the queues, I was nearly 20 minutes late in! And I didn’t even have time to get myself a latte.”
“I work in the Media, you see,” he added, “Innocent Smoothies’ idents won’t animate themselves.”
When the news broke, striking workers threw down their picket signs, rolled up their sleeves and got back to work. The reaction was sombre and regretful.
“Dave… my god… what have we done?” said ticket gate operator Meaghan Hardy, her eyes tearing up. “What began as such a pure expression of solidarity turned so ugly and corrupted… I don’t know what to do. Do we even deserve jobs, now? Not after Dave was slightly delayed. Jesus.”
“I guess that we forgot that our own personal problems – like trying to save 20% of jobs over the network – tend to fade away when you see real difficulties. Like Dave having to maybe take the bus in tomorrow,” said union leader Bob Crow. “Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what’s better for everyone, you know? In this case, everyone means Dave.”
At the time of press, Dave was using his oyster card to swipe into the tube at Goodge Street, to the rapturous applause of hundreds of commuters and train staff.