20 year old doe-eyed aesthete Caspian Bingley was this week forced to close his online startup ‘Sensitive-LAD’ and its sister website ‘Erudite-LAD’ after they failed to attract the burgeoning audience of young university males that he had predicted based on the popularity of a ‘conceptually similar, though infinitely more vulgar’ website.
“I remember seeing the original website and feeling as though something inside me had died, I believe this is the standard response, but I wanted to do something.” says Caspian, from his prone position on an 18th century day-bed, “I longed to reclaim the uni lad. Bring him back to his original form – a straw-boatered artiste, youthful, foppish, who far from reeking of beer and spewing casual misogyny, is lightly fragranced with bergamot and absinthe, and spews only the choicest offerings of one Thomas Sterns Elliot.”
“Where their website had crass banter, mine would have a series of delicately honed epigrams. Where their website treated women with predatory contempt mine would treat them with impeccably polite indifference. Where they had all that is basest and most brutish in modern society I would have Sebastian Flyte memes.”
After two long years of trying to get those Sebastian Flyte memes off the ground however, Bingley has been forced to admit that he may have grossly overestimated his potential audience. Last week after the combined views for the Sensitive and Erudite sites totaled just under 1000, he was forced to close the sites indefinitely.
Visitors to either site are now greeted by a picture of Charles Baudelaire looking sad and a white bar into which they can type their emails should they wish to receive intermittent Noel Coward gifs, and to be notified of the websites’ eventual return, which Bingley claims is still a possibility though only following “a seismic shift in the values of modern youth” or “possibly some kind of beautiful cleansing flood”.