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Government announces U-turn on new number

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The government were today forced into yet another embarrassing climbdown when the number they announced just before Christmas turned out to be incorrect. The number which related to “investment or growth or something” was at the time heralded as the turning point for the economy though whether that was in a positive or negative sense had not been established yet.

The government deny that this is another U-turn, insisting that the number they announced is still correct and relevant but that regrettably in other more ‘factually correct’ ways, the number has indeed turned out to be drastically wrong.

The spokesman then went on to insist that the failure to calculate the old number at all correctly was not incompetence, as no one could have done any better, and really, what do precise figures matter anyway.

“The incorrect number was due to incomplete data, but now that we have all the information we’re confident that the new number is not only more accurate but is also more positive for the wider economy and shows that our policies are working.” said Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne.  “In fact, in many ways the new number only strengthens the case we were making with the old number”

Markets responded positively to the news of the U-turn by tumbling to yearly lows before soaring again unexpectedly, bankrupting several small pacific economies.

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