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Tactics column: The ultimate guide to England World Cup glory


With only a few months left before Brazil, here is Underground Magazine’s analysis of the areas England need to drastically improve in if they’re going to bring the world’s biggest trophy back home.

The tournament

  • Sort out Brazil visas for team well in advance
  • Create shared calendar entries for matches and be sure to turn up 15-20 minutes early
  • Put ball inside goal more frequently than opponent. Repeat until the tournament is over. NB: double-check which goal to put ball inside before putting ball inside
  • Make sure to win the final of the World Cup. Historically, teams who have achieved this key milestone have gone on to have a 100% success rate at winning the World Cup. This trend seems likely to continue
  • Consider purchasing a basic Portuguese phrasebook for queries such as ‘onde posso encontrar o estádio?’

The squad

  • Team members over the age of 65 are not recommended since they tend to have lower fitness levels (although may bring greater experience). Consider selecting players from pre-existing football teams since they may be able to bring footballing expertise to the table. Wikipedia is a good resource to consider here (e.g. the page for Liverpool Football Club which contains details and names of several players)
  • Ensure entire team up to date on latest footballing rules and regulations e.g. offside, no. of minutes in a match. Especially important not to underestimate match duration since leaving the pitch early may result in opponents scoring points
  • Ideally team members will wear similarly-coloured shirts, with the exception of the goalkeeper
  • SPF 30 suncream can help players achieve a safe tan during matches without putting them at risk of burning

Other hot tips:

  • The Big Book of Football (2009): contains insights such as ‘11 people in a team’ and ‘ball should stay within white lines at all times’
  • Key terminology to be up to date on: pitch, ball, foot


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