Today in Suffolk, a tense and animated political argument was interrupted by the outbreak of a lovely meal with all the family back together in the same room. The family’s uncle Bill’s loud, slurred opinions on ‘the immigrants’ were drowned out by the sounds of happy conversation between loved ones.
“I tried to concentrate on rebutting his ridiculous views,” said your Sarah, Jakes’s new girlfriend who he’s only been going out with for three months but for some reason is spending christmas with the family. “Sadly the delicious food and festive atmosphere made it impossible to sustain a heated and fractious debate.”
The family argument is an important tradition dating back to pagan times. “People have been gathering at this time of year to trade snide remarks long before the birth of Jesus,” explained historian Jessica Raymond. “In fact there’s good evidence that even at the nativity, the shepherds were making loud comments to each other about the ‘miracle’ of the virgin birth and sniggering.”
“I’d been looking forward to telling my cousin what a twat he is all year,” said mother, Gillian. “But somehow everything came unstuck when he offered me the bread sauce with a smile and I glimpsed the love in his eyes.”
“Every year,” she sighed. “It’s such a shame.”