Ian Watkins

Paedophile buys his first Lostprophets album

Lead singer Ian Watkins has finally achieved the fans he deserves.

Paedophile Martin Bakewell today bought his first Lostprophets album after the news that ex-lead singer Ian Watkins was “a determined and committed paedophile” who used his celebrity status to abuse children.

Having previously dismissed the Pontypridd band as “pretty mediocre”, Bakewell was now eager to listen to their music knowing that much of it came from the mind of a sadistic and manipulative child-abuser.

“I thought it wasn’t really my sort of music. Turns out it definitely is,” explained Bakewell. “Take a song like ‘Last Train Home’. Sure, it may not sound like it’s about paedophilia, but now we know it must be.”

Industry experts say that the Welsh rock band can expect a surge in album sales with their new appeal to the paedophile demographic. “It’s a canny move,” said one insider. “All the previous fans have already bought the albums, so who cares if they throw them away? It’s all about the paedophiles now.”

“They say that bad people can produce good music, but in my opinion it takes a paedophile to produce truly great music,” added Bakewell, as he added ‘paedophilia’ to every Lostprophets entry on songfacts.com.

 

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