7 everyday superfoods that literally burn fat

pechble-sq1: Polonium

Add a spoonful of this to your cornflakes instead of sugar and watch the weight drop off! It’s credited with working wonders for Yasser Arafat.



caustic soda Flakes-sq2: Caustic soda

Substitute this where a recipe calls for baking soda and feel your healthy inner glow start to burn. Try Diet Caustic Soda for even greater weight loss.



tapeworm-sq3: Cestoda

You may know these cute little fellows as tapeworms. Either way, they go down easy and get to work right away. The perfect pet – they literally feed themselves.





4: Fire

Spontaneous human combustion may have fallen out of fashion these days but with a little practice you too can get nature’s most flamboyant chemical reaction working for you.


Potassium_hydroxide5: Potassium hydroxide

One mouthful of this rare compound will leave you speechless. The smell may not be the most appetising but you won’t have to worry about that for long.



e-coli-bacteria-david-mack-sq6: Necrotizing fasciitis

Micro-organisms that wont stop until you’re ready to drop. Hard to get in Western supermarkets but they work wonders on excess skin folds.



carving7: Carving knife

Don’t just use it to cut your food up! Apply directly to those pesky love handles for fast results your friends will definitely notice.

Disclaimer: Attempting these or indeed any other online weight loss tips may result in death. You should not consume fire, radioactive elements, flesh-eating bacteria, tapeworms or large kitchen utensils and then claim someone online told you it was OK.

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