All I’ve ever wanted to do is bring issues of central importance to humanity to the attention of the general public. And this latest injustice is perhaps the worst indignity that has befallen the human race since The God Delusion was pushed off the #1 New York Times bestseller position.
After the staff at Edinburgh Airport deemed me – Richard Dawkins! – unable to bring a small jar of honey onboard a flight to London I went on Twitter to share my story and let the world know. I checked my ‘at replies’ soon afterwards, hoping that perhaps someone had alerted the UN or at least NATO on my behalf, but what I was greeted with shocked me to the core. People were laughing. At me! Richard Dawkins! I discovered there is no God! Why aren’t people taking this affront to my human rights more seriously?
This is the true price of 9/11. Forget the 3,000 people who died when the towers came down, the decade-long wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, America on the brink of bankruptcy and Islamists rising to prominence in Middle Eastern politics. This is what Bin Laden wanted. People – and not just anyone: me, Richard Dawkins! – having to queue for a short while at airports and then throw any liquids in excess of 100ml in the bin. Even if that liquid is sweet, delicious, and above-all natural honey. Bring back the troops; the terrorists have won.
The fact that rules and regulations have been in place to prevent passengers taking more than a small amount of liquid on board any plane in almost any international airport for well over 5 years now doesn’t matter in this instance. Because it was my honey. Richard Dawkins’ honey. It said so on the label. They should have changed the rules on the spot then and there, but did they listen when I tried to help the world? No. And I’m not surprised – judging from their stupid faces, they were probably religious.
People are perfectly happy to entertain the ridiculous notion that there could be something more to this life than the bleak, empty universe I describe in my best-selling books. Or even to listen to women bleat on about being ‘sexually threatened’ in elevators (yawn). Yet when it comes to a distinguished Oxford professor using Twitter to alert the world about his honey being taken, they seem unable to treat it with the gravity it deserves.
Because if there’s one thing I, Richard Dawkins – lover-of-honey, Twitter user, and elderly white man and renowned evolutionary biologist – deserve, it’s respect. I just want to help people. You know, like Jesus did.