Stallone and Schwarzenegger star in “Pension Plan”

Stallone and Schwarzenegger are reunited for this standard tale of exploitation which sees them shoehorned into a predictable plot and forced to work together to secure their freedom from contracts they didn’t properly read.

Schwarzenegger plays a 66-year-old bodybuilder turned actor turned governor turned actor who’s been unfairly imprisoned by a desire for huge paychecks. He’s joined by a world-weary Stallone, and together they attempt to lend gravitas and plausibility to a terrible film. SPOILER ALERT: unsurprisingly, their audacious attempt to earn millions at the cost of the studios and their personal dignity is a success.

But the story does have its tragic moments too – it’s hard not to get a bit emotional watching two old men whose movies you used to enjoy demean themselves for money. Particularly upsetting is a scene where they try to portray sincerity.

However, ultimately the project fails, not least because some serious plot holes are skimmed over. For example, the insurance costs of employing sexagenarians in an action movie would surely have serious economic implications? And, perhaps more implausibly, the terrible reviews don’t seem to have any effect on the viewing public’s desire to see it.

There are already rumours of a follow-up where the decrepit duo try to get a sequel through development hell.

Rating: 3 out of 6 Rockys (1 out of 4 Terminators in new money)

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