Page 3 to be left blank for readers’ disgusting thoughts


The Sun announced today that they will be removing the traditional topless model photo from Page 3, replacing it instead with a blank space that readers will be able to fill with graphic sexual content of their own imagining.

“We can’t keep pace with what the internet is providing,” said Sun editor David Sindmore. “So we’ve decided to fill Page 3 with the smuttiest thing possible: the contents of our readers’ heads. Plus, society exposes children to sexualised images from such an early age that our work here is basically done. It’s bpage three imageeen a good 40 years, but now it’s over to you!”

OfCom are said to be outraged by the unprecedented smut being imagined in The Sun this week. Older readers have also been particularly shocked and excited by what they imagine young people are getting up to these days, often wearing very little at all.

“When I think of the obscene things those depraved youths are imagining in this blank space, I just despair,” said Tony Hartley, 57. “I mean, just think, they’re probably imagining young girls with all sorts of…things…Excuse me, I need to go and be outraged in my room. Alone.”

But for those with limited imagination, the transition has proved more difficult. “All I can see is my gran in a woolly jumper,” complained one teenager. “How am I meant to learn to objectify women now?”

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