Costa Concordia released into wild


“Honestly, she’s never looked better.”

After a spectacular 19 hour rescue effort, a team of engineers have finally freed the Costa Concordia from the shoreline where it had been beached for the past 20 months. “I really thought we were going to lose the old gal there for a few months back in the winter, but she pulled through” said Nick Sloane, the senior boat whisperer in charge of the operation. “When she started moving, she moved slowly but surely. She’s tougher than any other creature I know.”

People looked on breathless at the miracle of nature as the marathon effort streamed live on all the major news channels and websites. “I will be able to tell my son when he grows up that he was there the day it happened” said Susan Wright, a mother of one.  “I held him in my lap, his little baby eyes directed at the screen, continually refreshing the page, and for 5 hours we watched together as the boat was coaxed inch by inch back into its natural environment. He’s very quiet today so I think he understood it was a big occasion.”

Many people are seeing the very real and meaningful saving of this boat, as a image of hope that the world can draw on in these difficult times. “Like the noble ship, our economies once found themselves wrecked upon the shores of incompetence. But did we leave them just floundering around and begging for forgiveness?!” said Barack Obama, making it all about him as usual, “No, after an embarrassingly long time and rescue efforts costing an absolute fortune, the markets have been propped up impressively for a brief period so we can all gawp at them in muted fascination. Of course they’re not going to be quietly led away, metaphorically shot in the head and dumped in the ocean! That’s not how you deal with your problems.”

The one time “capsized” Costa Concordia is expected to take aboard a new set of passengers right away and continue its exotic journey to a big boat farm in the ocean where she will play with all the other ships who really did get better and just had to go away for a while. “She might need a bit of light rest and recuperation for a while” commented a representative from P&O Cruises with a tear in his eye. “But people are already getting excited about Pirates of Penzance showing tomorrow in the Grand Ballroom and we hope to reach India by October if all goes well. Of course she’ll write, sweetie…”

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