Birth of Royal Baby to usher in 40 days of rain, hopes Britain

Man+sweating+on+TubeAncient Scrolls hidden deep in the British Library foretell that the birth of the child of the royals of Britain in the year of our lord 2013 will herald the beginning of forty days and forty nights of torrential rain, hope the sunburnt people of Britain.

“I’m sure that has to be some sort of ancient prophesy out there,” said housewife Louise Helen, rubbing aftersun into her burnt legs. “You know, ‘Upon the coming of the New King, the heavens shalt open, and the land of Britain wilt be drownéd in cool, refreshing rain. You always hear about prophecies like that.”

“It was rumoured that upon the birth of Henry VIII, there was a crack of lightning, and a mighty storm lashed England for a month,” said historian Charles Wilson. “So there’s no reason to think that won’t happen when Kate has her kid. Imagine that. Lovely wet rain, all over my body. I’d run outside and just roll about in a puddle. And I wouldnt be the only one.”

According to a survey carried out by Underground Magazine, Britain would probably also settle for one or two days of rain, or even a shower of frogs or a hail of blood or really anything that gets the air moving again. “Honestly, I’d probably be fine with clouds of locusts,” added Wilson. “At least there there’d be some bloody shade.”

At the time of press, all of Britain was wondering if it’d start raining if they just sacrificed the Royal Baby’s heart to the Rain Gods or something.

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