The House of Commons was today the scene of one of the most inspiring displays of political goodwill in living memory, when a Labour MP made a passionate appeal to both the Tories and Lib Dems to stop disagreeing with him.
“This senseless bickering and endless disagreement with me must come to a stop,” said Justin Oates, MP for Berkinsop. “We must all put aside our differences, join together in harmony, and agree that I’m right.”
The revolutionary proposal has met with favour from a disgruntled public. “Why do politicians waste so much time debating fundamental issues they disagree about, when they could be implementing something that goes against everything they believe in?” asked Sarah Jenkins from Croydon. “I mean, eventually all that happens is that you get some sort of reasonable compromise where multiple viewpoints are taken into account and a moderate solution is produced. I didn’t vote for this!”
“If I had even bothered to vote, I might be even angrier than I am,” she added.
The Tories were quick to issue a response: “Motions such as this one from the opposition are obviously a stalling tactic to prevent both sides from agreeing to our party’s agenda. It’s shameful that they won’t just go along with what we want to do.”
“This particular issue is just the start,” said Oates. “I dream of a future where everyone, wherever they stand on the political spectrum, just completely agrees with everything I say. Is that too much too ask?”