Lucas Thompson, (27), an IT Technician and aspiring twitter comedy superstar, ruined what appeared to be a promising romantic dinner-date after hearing about the death of film director Michael Winner.
“I don’t know what happened, he was leaning in for a kiss when he heard somebody mention that Michael Winner had died, then he yelled OH MY GOD and sprinted away from the table,” said Thompson’s date, 23 year old Russian gymnast Tanya Alexeyef. “I really thought he was the one”.
Witnesses reported that Thompson charged down the road at full pace screaming “It’s a reference to those eSure adverts!”, knocking down old women and children, before stealing a motorcycle from a group of Hells’ Angels and speeding down a side street. He then evaded the pursuant bike gang and police helicopters by jumping the bike over a busy canal, before ditching it in a forest clearing and hitchhiking home to his laptop.
At the time of press, Thompson’s tweet “Michael Winner died? Calm down dear! #RIP” has been retweeted zero times.