Yet more members of Team GB are facing disqualification from the Games after “not qualifying” for medals. Athletes are often tempted to perform poorly in the earlier rounds, as this can mean that their task on finals day is considerably easier.
Many star performers tipped for gold by commentators have failed to win medals, thus massively reducing their effort required to compete. “Stepping up onto that 4-inch high podium to collect your medal can be really exhausting, paticularly if you haven’t trained properly,” explained one anonymous 18 year old Team GB diver. “In many ways, 4th place is the place everyone wants to be.” Some brazen competitors were automatically disqualified after blatantly failing to qualify right under judges’ noses.
“If it was just one or two athletes, it wouldn’t be that suspicious,” said one coach for the Chinese team. “But come on, nearly every single event, letting us win? It’s just not sporting. Our athletes trained long and hard for these games – it’s meant to be a competition, but it’s turned into a farce.”
When asked about the recent golds for Britain in rowing and cycling, he looked at the medals table and convulsed in a fit of laughter.
Lord Sebastian Coe also attacked the “disgraceful” British performances, calling the behaviour “depressing and unacceptable”. “Who wants to sit through something like that? I’ll tell you: not corporate sponsors. Frankly I think the more empty seats the better.”
Allegations that some British athletes may have taken performance-debilitating drugs remain unconfirmed.