"Why are we even fighting?"

Everyone forgets about the Olympics somehow

“Why are we even fighting?!”

OFFICIALS, POLITICIANS, ATHLETES AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC were left red-faced yesterday as it was discovered that everyone had forgotten about the London 2012 Olympics, due to be held in under 36 days.

“So you know sometimes you just wake up and know you’ve forgotten something?”, said Seb Coe, chairman of LOCOG. “So I’m just sitting there on Twitter, making a giant blu-tac ball, and some guy’s yelling ‘taekwondo’ in my ear. And I’m thinking… taekwondo… taekwondo… and then it suddenly clicks – Olympics! And I search around a bit and find this old to-do list, and guess what, Olympics is right at the top! I literally don’t even know what I’ve been doing for the last seven years.”

The lapse leaves London needing to build a 500-acre Olympic park in under a week. “Maybe if someone had said something, we’d have been fine,” said Ben Granton, a Stratford resident. “But if you were to listen to politicians, the police and the TV, you’d have no idea they were even meant to be happening.”

“Even the sponsors kept quiet,” he added. “I’ve not seen one single advert with the Olympics or athletics in. How did everyone forget? What about the Evening Standard – couldn’t they have mentioned it at least once, just as a reminder?”

It has also been revealed that over £9bn intended to be spent on the Olympics was accidentally spent on education, health and aid, a move described by officials as “a stupid mistake”.

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