Senior Liberal Democrats today admitted they are in ‘serious difficulties’ after it was revealed that their party headquarters on Great George Street has been colonised by thousands of mangy feral cats.
“Where did all these cats come from?” said Nick Clegg, knocking a giant stray cat off his desk. “Oh for Christ’s sake, I had an important report to give to David Cameron and this cat has torn it up!”
Clegg’s rousing fifteen-minute speech on Lords reform yesterday was drowned out by the yowling of an angry manx that had somehow broken into the PA system and urinated everywhere.
In a related incident, Vince Cable was hospitalized after three disease-ridden tabbies dropped onto his face out of nowhere.
“Clegg ran for Lib Dem leader on a very strong anti-cat infestation platform,” commented the BBC’s Nick Robinson. “He needs to sort out these cats very soon if he doesn’t want to look weak.”
Other Liberal Democrats have backed the invasion. “I like them!” said ex-MP Lembit Opik, lying on the floor and laughing as dozens of kittens clambered over his topless chest. “Let’s get more!”