The kitten in question

World’s first tube-driving kitten causes massive pile-up

Eight killed

A TRAGIC CRASH occurred on the Central Line yesterday after a 10-day old kitten drove a train into a wall.

“I don’t know what we were thinking letting a kitten drive the train but he looked so cute in his little tube-driver’s hat,” commented a spokesman for Transport for London. “His little paws couldn’t reach the pedals. In hindsight, it was bound to end in disaster. Horrific, adorable disaster.”

The cat has been charged with gross manslaughter by police, with witnesses reporting that it’s wearing a little prisoner outfit and sitting in a cell like it’s an actual person.

It now faces a minimum sentence of 20 minutes of tickling and cuddles on a high-security pillow, and has been released on bail against the wishes of the prosecution.

“This kitten poses a serious flight risk,” said prosecutor Liam Knight. “Imagine if it disguised itself as a tiny air-pilot and fled the country to live out its life in France, possibly wearing a miniature beret with a tiny set of onions around its neck.”

“Awww,” he added.

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