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Security Laser Manufacturer Regrets Leaving Secret Agent-Sized Gap

laser security system Security Laser Manufacturer Regrets Leaving Secret Agent Sized Gap

"God this is easy!"

LASER SECURITY SYSTEMS, the leading laser-alarm supplier for the casino, museum and evil genius industries, today expressed “profound regret” at a glitch in their famous ‘red laser’ alarm system.

Human error on the company’s part led to the lasers, which trigger an alarm if touched, being spaced just far enough apart for a secret agent to jump through with ease, leaving red faces all round.

“We’d like to formally apologise to Doctor Abominable for this deeply embarrassing mistake,” said Bilal Hussein, the company’s head of Research and Development, “And we’re sorry that as a result his tiny microchip was stolen, which in turn thwarted his plans to blow Manhattan sky high with a massive nuclear bomb. Yeah, we boned that up.”

“In hindsight, we should have just left no gap at all,” Hussein admitted. “It’s not like that would’ve even been hard. We could’ve taken the lasers from the rest of that long corridor and just stuck them all across the one door. You know, the only exit. Duh.”

Laser Security Systems have promised to introduce radical new security measures, with a recent press conference announcing a door with a laser thumbprint scanner.

“That’s especially secure, as thumbs are always attached to the people who own them,” commented a spokesman. “Nope, can’t think of a way round that.”

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