Jeremy Hunt

Government launches inquiry into ministers literally never resigning

Hunt may be forced to stay in office

Senior Ministers involved in the Leveson Inquiry have been warned not to resign until the newly-launched inquiry, ‘Should Ministers Really Ever Resign?’, has given its recommendations, which hopefully should be delivered “in the next few decades”.

“Sorry, it’s the law,” commented Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt. “Gee, I’d love to fall on my own sword and end my career, but it just can’t happen while an inquiry’s still going on. I’ll sack someone though, if you like – hang on a minute – Steve, you’re fired. It is Steve, right?”

“Anyway, if I resign as minister, then what’s the point of the inquiry to try and get me to resign as minister?”

The blanket ban on resigning contains a paragraph stipulating that ministers may not resign after dodgy meetings with 81-year old media barons, especially if they make it really obvious with loads of emails.

“The government should never make any drastic decisions without first waiting to hear the opinions of a lengthy judicial inquiry. Unless, of course, it’s about deporting Muslim clerics,” said Prime Minister David Cameron.

The inquiry will examine every minute of the present coalition government from several different angles, and include testimony from the ministers themselves, political experts, Hugh Grant, and whoever else feels like being on TV.

A government special adviser called for an inquiry into why it’s always government special advisers who seem to resign, before promptly resigning.

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