UK detectives reviewing Madeleine McCann’s disappearance have issued a computer-generated image of what she might look like at the age of 70.
“If we still haven’t found her by 2073, these are the pictures we’ll be using,” said DCI Spencer Philips at the press conference, holding up a series of photos of a smiling elderly woman. “She’s in a hovercar in this one, because it’s the future.”
The police have insisted that they aren’t leaving any photofit-based stone unturned. “Here’s a picture of her if she’d joined the army, and here’s one if she became an ice cream vendor,” added Philips, showing the abducted toddler wearing a series of different hats. “This one’s her if she was black for some reason, and this one’s of her baby if she married Justin Bieber. It’s amazing what you can do with the internet.”
Police have also released a picture of Maddie if she had chain-smoked for 50 years, which is said to have worried the McCann family. “If only we’d presumably spent more time educating her on the dangers of tobacco before her hypothetical teenage rebellion, this might never have possibly happened,” said Kate McCann.
The Sun have thrown themselves behind the campaign, printing several full-page photos of what Maddie would look like if she grew up to be a voluptuous 18-year-old glamour model.
“There’s a chance she will have died of old age, of course. But if not, it would be great if everyone can keep their eyes peeled in about 60 years time,” Philips added.