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Joseph Kony hounded off ‘Farmville’

“My e-wheat… gone… all gone…”

The forces of social media struck another crushing blow against evil today after Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony was permanently banished from Facebook agricultural game Farmville for being ‘a total douche’.

Reports indicate that the guerilla leader’s e-farm was besieged with angry IMs and pokes from Farmvillers who’d seen a video posted by charity Invisible Children, while Kony’s name on the Farmville forums was rendered ‘worse than mud’.

“We don’t like evil child-soldierers around these here parts,” commented popular Farmville Farmer James Pegg (14). “Get out, and let this be a warning to the rest of you African warlords out there – no matter who you are or where you hide, the combined hordes of social media activists will make sure that, well, even if you don’t actually stop what you’re doing, at the very least you’ll be seriously unpopular should you ever join Twitter. I’m not joking – people will just be retweeting you and calling you a dick all day long.”

However, a spokesman for Invisible Children warned against complacency. “The fight isn’t over yet. Sure, Kony may have fled Facebook for the lonely and abandoned wastelands of Google+, but even now, he’s FourSquare mayor of vast swathes of Central Africa! Also he still has that real-life empire comprising thousands of child soldiers raping and pillaging everything in sight. Shouldn’t forget that. #StopKony!”

“Send us more money,” he added.

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